The Problem with Motivation

"But what do you do with the kids that just don't want to be there? Don't want to learn?"

I've been considering this question a lot lately, as I write a paper on intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation.

The short answer is

"You give them a reason to want to learn"

But what does that look like?

A popular (or maybe just popular to me) song by Ben Rector (if you've never heard of him, seriously look him up), called Wanna be Loved is one of my favorites. Besides the catchy tune and gentle, flowing rhythm, the song has a powerful message, which you might have guessed.

Everybody wants love.

It's why my heart beats when the telephone rings, and why I try to say funny things. He sings.

And it's true. Everyone wants to be loved.

Many, from damaging experiences, don't know what real love looks like, or how to achieve it, but everyone tries their utmost to gain that love from others. 

This is especially true for kids. Which is where my musings on the subject come in.

We all know that kid who does everything they can to get on your bad side. These are the kids who are defiant, break things, get into arguments with other kids, distract others from their work, and generally seem to make it their goal to be a nuisance to the classroom. 

They're really kind of my favorite kids, to be honest.

Even though they drive me crazy sometimes, I can't help but see the same desire in them as everyone else, and my heart breaks for them, because they are just as lost as the rest of the world.

They just want to be loved. 

This manifests itself as a drive to gain attention, usually in any way possible. If doing the right thing doesn't get attention, then why not do the wrong thing?

They don't know what real love, or even real attention looks like, so they settle for a cheap substitute.

Does that sound like any adults you know?

Kids are pretty straightforward. If they don't like something, they'll tell you. If they do like something, they'll ask for more of it. Most kids, especially the littles, haven't yet perfected manipulation or are even cognitively ready for the idea. 

Most of the time, they simply understand how to get what they want in the fastest way possible. 

If that means getting attention by throwing books on the floor, then so be it.

As I work with kids of various ages, in my current job at a tutoring business, I'm beginning to realize that it's not my job to fix ingrained habits of these kiddos. Even if it was, I would be unsuccessful. 

In fact, the fastest way to help kids who are struggling with motivation, interest in learning, and a myriad of other problems, is to simply give them the love and attention that they so desperately crave, before they have to "ask" for it in the disruptive ways.

If I can show them that I operate differently, and that I will help them get what they want, their guards will (hopefully), slowly begin to lower. 

That is when the real life learning can begin to take place. 

Miss Hanna